and then...

[last_tuesday]

... just when i think about the fact that we spent one week without fighting, one week without me screwing up so badly that the only thing i can do is to never look myself in the mirror ever again, what happens? i get home, dead tired after a 12 hour rehearsal, she's in a bad mood, talks, i try to stay calm, then the tears start flowing and everything, absolutely fucking everything goes down the drain. i hate this so much. i wish i could just fall asleep and never wake up again. ever.